weidemannia one

Drew Curtis’ FARK.com

I’ve had a link on my dropping crumbs page for years pointing to the “Hot or Not” website. When its time to escape the life of a loan officer, and kill a few minutes on the computer, rather than boot up some first-person, online, roll-playing shooter bloodfest, I put on my god-hat and make subjective decisions on who at the moment is worthy and who is not worthy of being considered “hot”.

Well, I’ve thought about this a lot and I have come to the conclusion that there are a bajillion idiots out there in this world who think if they post their picture and let the world vote, they will come away with the knowledge of which limb on the 1-to-10 tree of life their name is etched. I wonder how many of them “cuties” posted their picture, without thinking of how they would fare. There are a lot of unsavory pictures on the site.

If you are considering posting YOUR picture, in the interest of coaching for success, let me offer my personal tips and tricks on what you can do to be rated as “hot”. Or better yet, let me list the specific things that annoy the hell out of me, and will get you an extremely low score when I’m in charge of pushing the button:

YOU WILL LOSE POINTS FOR:

- Pierced nose, lip, tongue, eyebrow. Its just not right.
- Tattoos larger than a quarter. Murals are for museums and churches.
- Hats or caps of any kind. A 10 with a hat is a 2 in my book.
- Goofy expressions and pucker, kissy faces. Goofy is not hot. Got it?
- Hand signs, peace signs, gang signs. Appears like a handicap.
- Overabundance of exposed weight; the “ripple effect” of low-rise jeans.
- Cleavage for cleavage sake is NOT necessarily hot.
- Black fingernails. May be great among the goths - but not the hots.
- Protruding tongue. Keep your tongue in in your mouth.
- Costumes. Fairy wings will not turn a sow into a silk purse.
- Thrift store chic. Mismatched colors not found in nature - not hot.
- Avoiding the camera. For heaven sake, look at the camera.
- Red eyes. Neither the pupils or whites should be red. Scary.
- Kids in the picture. Sorry, may be cute as bugs, but buzz kills.
- Taking the picture of yourself in the mirror, including the camera. Stupid.
- Dinky images or out of focus. We know what you are trying to hide.
- Orientation. Not sexual. Upload the picture sideways? Lose a point.
- Being a Slob. Clean up your freakin’ room before you snap the shot!

YOU CAN GAIN POINTS FOR:

- Nice, pleasant and natural smile.
- Posing for the picture. Make it important to you.
- Skin is always welcome, but in moderation, please.
- Hair that has seen a comb and shampoo recently.
- Cleavage, when it enhances the total package.
- Natural tan - not leathered or bottled.
- Personality. We can tell.
- Punctuation and grammar. Use proper case. Intelligent is hot.
- Composition. No reason to have the top of your head cut off.

There. I said it. I needed to get that off my chest.

So, let me suggest you print out a copy of this list, and then take a few minutes and visit the site. If you don’t have it added to your favorites already you can find it at http://www.hotornot.com. Let me know if I’m off base, or if there are some other pet peeves you have that need to be added to the list.

Have fun!

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